How to Check in with Yourself: Tertiary Check-In Exercise
Type 2 Trouble with Check-Ins
I have an enneagram coach (a 2) who pushes me to grow. In my first or second session with my coach, we were talking about the classic “type 2” stuff that I deal with.
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I told her I have a hard time knowing what I like, who I am, what I need, and she suggested this tertiary check-in exercise to help me get in touch with those things. As a therapist, I felt a little…insulted at first? It was probably my pride (of which I have a lot). I was like, “Damn, this is where I am in my self development.”
But I went along with it because I am generally pretty shitty at checking in with myself. Other people and types who are what we call “outward-oriented” might relate to this. Types that aren’t outward-oriented tend to check-in with themselves automatically.
Outward-oriented types are the types of people who have a harder time tuning into themselves and their bodies. So those are usually enneagram 9s, 2s, 3s. These kinds of people (myself included) have a hard time tuning into who they are, what they love, what they’re about, or what they need.
But checking-in is hard for other types too, like those who have a hard time tuning into their bodies and tuning into the present—mostly 4s.
When to Check in with Yourself
Tertiary means three—primary, secondary, tertiary. So, the tertiary check-in has 3 passes. It takes about 5 minutes but can take as long or short as you want.
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It works best for me when I try making a habit with the check-ins. Maybe it’s right when I wake up in the morning when I’m sitting with my morning coffee, or as I’m getting into bed. It can work throughout the day—maybe you’re setting alarms as reminders on your phone. As long as you can find a quiet, comfortable spot—that’s all you need.
Type 2s and those who are outwardly-oriented should do this several times a day. Types that are internally focused do this automatically. But those of us who are so outwardly focused have to train ourselves to do this.
Tertiary Check-In Exercise
First Pass: Primary
This first pass is about the body. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Then with my mind, I imagine being bisected by a laser from the top of my head and moving down my body.
Piece by piece, I notice where the laser is—forehead, eyebrows, eyes, nose, mouth, neck. I focus on my body scanning downward and notice every section as I go and note the sensations. It’s good to ask myself, “How does each part of your body feel? Do you feel tense in some areas? Relaxed in others? Pain?”
Second Pass: Secondary
This pass is about getting in touch with the five senses and taking note of everything in the moment with those sensations.
Touch. I notice what I’m feeling. It might be the clothing on my skin, the pressure of a chair on my body, the temperature in my room. I try to note 2-4 things I can feel within my body.
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Taste. I take note of what I taste in my mouth. Sometimes it’s coffee when I’m checking-in in the morning. Sometimes it’s just the general taste of whatever I ate last. Whatever it is, I just make a mental note of it.
Smell. I take a deep breath through the nose and notice and scents or fragrances.
Sound. Sometimes I close my eyes to get in touch with sound. I try to notice 2-3 sounds happening around me even if it’s a quite spot. Can I hear the refrigerator hum? Are there sounds coming from outside the house?
Sight. With sight, I note in detail 3-5 items I see. I describe the color, the textures, how the light hits those objects, etc.
Third Pass: Tertiary
Finally, I take a deep breath and focus internally to my heart. I ask myself, “What are you feeling?” Then, I try to name 2-5 emotions that arise. This can be really difficult for me—I definitely struggle with this.
Benefits of Mental Check-Ins
For me, when I’m able to check-in regularly, it’s a really helpful exercise. More often than not, I’m spending so much energy tuning into other people, other people’s needs, other people’s feelings. “What’s good for them? Are they mad?” I’m constantly scanning people.
It’s a strength in the sense that it’s part of my job. But because all my energy is spent tuning into others, there’s very little left to tune into me and very little habit of tuning into myself. And as a result, I don’t know what I’m needing. I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t know if I’m tired. I don’t know if something’s wrong or not (emotionally, physically, in my environment).
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Often I’ll be cruising along and then hit a wall where I’ll burnout or get really frustrated or explode or leak out emotionally in other places that I don’t expect or other people don’t expect because I’m not tuning into myself.
So, the tertiary check-in is a foundation of knowing myself and who I am. Generally, if I know how I’m feeling, I know what I’m needing. I can at least take a fairly good stab at what I need, which is important.
Knowing what we need is a building block of self-care. Otherwise, we’re just jabbing in the dark trying to figure out how to take care of ourselves, but we don’t have a very good idea of what it takes and what kind of self-care we need. The tertiary check-in helps us slow down, ground ourselves, and know our feelings and needs so we can better take care of ourselves.
Hi, I’m Melinda
I’m a therapist who uses the Enneagram and Brainspotting to help 20 & 30-somethings understand and change unhelpful patterns, love themselves, and navigate all the big transitions and emotions that come with where they are in life.
WHAT MY CLIENTS OFTEN LOOK LIKE:
1) Empaths and “HSPs” who feel deeply and are afraid that something is “wrong” with them or have been told that they are too “sensitive”
2) Helpers or “over-givers” who want healthier relationships with themselves and others
3) Enneagram enthusiasts who want to grow
4) Premarital and young couples wanting to start their marriage off on the right foot