"Exactly How I Feel": Why We Need to Feel Our Emotions
Lizzo’s “Exactly How I Feel”
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One thing you should know about me is that I LOVE Lizzo. Her songs are an empowering confidence-boost for me at any time of the day. But on a therapist-level, her songs mean something more.
In Lizzo’s song “Exactly How I Feel,” she talks about how she can wake up and “be a bitch” or “make a friend.” She can experience a range of emotions—be friendly or upset or up or down—it doesn’t matter. Whatever that feeling is, she is owning the emotion, and that emotion can look different every day because that’s how feelings work. And that’s perfectly okay.
There’s a line in the second verse where Lizzo says “All my feelings Gucci,” and I LOVE it. She’s saying all her feelings are great. They all exist and that’s fine.
For those of us who don’t give our feelings enough space, it is very weird to feel like our emotions are something that matter and are beautiful. But the reality is that they do matter. Our emotions give us such amazing contexts about what we need.
Our Emotions Tell Us What We Need
Denying what we feel and ignoring it isn’t good for us. We need to welcome it, to learn and receive the message that our feelings have for us. Our feelings are messages! They exist for a reason and give us very important information about ourselves.
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If we continue to shove down and ignore what our feelings are saying, that’s when it eventually busts open the door. There have been times where I get so caught up in the emotions of others that I’m not in tune with my own feelings at all. I’m ignoring them. And that’s when I explode—it can get very bad.
The world today is so rational-thinking and focused on mental intelligence instead of emotional intelligence. (Maybe because emotions are associated with what’s “feminine” and “feminine” is defaulted as negative.)
Generally, most of us are pretty shitty at actually listening to our feelings and emotions and at understanding why we feel that way. And validating our feelings is just as hard. But when I take the time to hear what my feelings are telling me and allow them to deliver a message about my needs, those feelings start to dissipate.
Our Emotions Tell Us What We Need
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Emotions are essential in helping us understand what we are needing. As we understand and honor the messages that or emotions are trying to give us, the less emotions control us. In fact, they can function in the way they were meant to—as a kind of intelligence. You have your head, gut, and heart. All are important in engaging with the world.
Listening to our emotions is simply a type of self-care. Often when we shove our emotions don’t and don’t pay attention to them, that’s when we totally lose touch with what we’re needing. We barrel on with life without checking in with how we’re feeling. When I do that, it’s so easy for me to burnout.
So, I like to take a page from Lizzo’s book. Understanding exactly how I feel helps me know what I need. I allow that message from my emotions to tell me what I’m needing. Lizzo’s act of self-care is something we can all benefit from.
Hi, I’m Melinda
I’m a therapist who uses the Enneagram and Brainspotting to help 20 & 30-somethings understand and change unhelpful patterns, love themselves, and navigate all the big transitions and emotions that come with where they are in life.
WHAT MY CLIENTS OFTEN LOOK LIKE:
1) Empaths and “HSPs” who feel deeply and are afraid that something is “wrong” with them or have been told that they are too “sensitive”
2) Helpers or “over-givers” who want healthier relationships with themselves and others
3) Enneagram enthusiasts who want to grow
4) Premarital and young couples wanting to start their marriage off on the right foot