Self Care Is Necessary
People Don’t See Self-Care as Necessary
Self care is a necessary part of a healthy, fulfilling life. But so often, and especially lately, people perceive self care as a selfish act.
A lot of the people I serve have this mindset around self care. People raised as hyper-responsible, caregivers, therapists, helpers, supporters, etc., they’re all valued for the help they give and encouraged to to not pay attention to their own care (either implicitly or explicitly).
For many reasons, they push down their own needs and feelings. Instead, they focus their energy externally. OR, they deem their needs and emotions to be too much. Many people I work with have guilt and shame surrounding those needs, which quickly leads to anxiety, burnout, cynicism—you name it.
It becomes hard for people to live the life they want to live. At this point, it’s easier to double or triple up and help other people instead with the thought of, “this will be better.” But it’s not, because they still aren’t in touch with their own needs and emotions. It’s a vicious cycle.
How I Viewed Self-Care
This used to be me. As an enneagram type 2, I am so externally focused. Knowing what I’m needing or even what self care is, that’s very hard. Many of us who are helpers, women, those in the church, a lot of us are conditioned to be in supporting roles.
Instead of viewing self care as something necessary to continue to do the meaningful work that I wanted to do and work I love doing, self care still felt selfish. And that’s what I see in a lot of the people I work with now. They feel guilty for taking time off or taking a time-out. They don’t want to pay attention to what’s going on inside. Some won’t even pay attention to what self care means.
Why Self Care is Necessary
The reality is that if we don’t take the time to learn what self care is, what it looks like for us, and how to practice it, our care for others becomes selfish in itself. We do self care for others in order to fulfill something within ourselves. A lot of times, this happens without us even being aware of it. We have a mindset that says, “I don’t have needs,” or “It’s wrong of me to fulfill my needs or take care of myself.”
How do we take care of ourselves? We notice and acknowledge our needs and wants. We recognize that we are human, that we have flaws. We see to it when we need rest and care and time off. We cultivate joy, have fun and play.
When we practice self care and understand that self care is necessary, then are we able to care for the people in our lives all that much more and more selflessly. We are giving from what we already have—more abundance, care, and energy—as opposed to an empty cup.
Hi, I’m Melinda
I’m a therapist who uses the Enneagram and Brainspotting to help 20 & 30-somethings understand and change unhelpful patterns, love themselves, and navigate all the big transitions and emotions that come with where they are in life.
WHAT MY CLIENTS OFTEN LOOK LIKE:
1) Empaths and “HSPs” who feel deeply and are afraid that something is “wrong” with them or have been told that they are too “sensitive”
2) Helpers or “over-givers” who want healthier relationships with themselves and others
3) Enneagram enthusiasts who want to grow
4) Premarital and young couples wanting to start their marriage off on the right foot