5 Ways to Take Care of Yourself this Holiday Season
The holiday season is riddled with a lot of expectation—happiness, joy, light, cheer. While I absolutely adore Christmas time, I know that for many, it brings up a lot of feelings. And that’s totally fine. Here are 5 ways to take care of yourself during the holiday season.
#1 - Acknowledge Your Feelings around the Holiday Season without Shame or Judgement
This is a time of year that is super difficult for many people. The holiday season might bring up feelings of loneliness, grief, anxiety, stress. Try not to lean into all the talks of positivity if that isn’t how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling negative or like this time of year is really difficult for you, acknowledge those emotions without judging them.
There’s a huge emphasis on family and togetherness and that might bring up feelings of loneliness. Maybe you lost someone in the past or recently lost relationships with people in your life. Of course all this focus on togetherness and family will make things tender.
This is just one example of uncountable, valid reasons to experience difficult emotions during the holidays. The important thing is to acknowledge without judgement. Spend some time with those emotions and reflect on them. Give yourself the give of contextualization. There’s a reason you feel this way. It’s not for you to judge why this time of year is hard for you, but it is for you to understand and acknowledge. That’s the first step.
#2 Find Out What You Need
Once you’re able to acknowledge negative emotions without judgement, try to figure out what you need. What are those feelings telling you? Some possibilities:
Sadness and grief might require some time to slow down. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings instead of trying to blow past them. Maybe write a letter to yourself or write a letter to (or about) who (or what) was lost (or what you miss).
With anger or hurt, there might be some need for validation. When I need validation, I try talking to a good friend that doesn’t have any judgement around that pain.
For anxiety or stress, you can benefit from taking things slow. Gift yourself a day or two (if possible) where you protect your time and breathe. This one is particularly hard for me.
If you have feelings of fear or anxiety around some family members, maybe you need to focus on self-care. Maybe what you need in that is communicating that you need to set specific boundaries around your energy, around who you spend time with, etc.
#3 - Slow Down and Create Your Own Traditions
Acknowledging your emotions and figuring out what you need both require slowing down. This time of year goes really quickly, it can be overwhelming. There’s a lot of activity happening. And so, gifting yourself the ability to slow down and think about what you’re wanting out of this time is important. What do you want? (Not what are other people expecting from you.)
Take some time to think about what you want this time of year to mean. It doesn’t matter what that is. If you want this time of year to mean nothing, that’s fine! You can conduct yourself accordingly.
Or maybe you just haven’t found traditions that are important to you. When my clients have a difficult time with the holiday season, I tell them to think about their holiday traditions. Do you enjoy them? Are they expected of you? Are they a performance? How do they make you feel? One thing I learned with starting my own family is to really evaluate the traditions I’ve carried and how to create new ones.
Think about your holiday traditions and how to create something special out of this season by starting your own traditions.
For me, I cook a specific meal I really love.
Maybe there’s an album that you adore that you want to limit to just this time a year so you have something to look forward to, like how people get excited about Christmas music.
Or a special cocktail that you only make this time of year.
Or you like everyone’s Christmas lights. Pack up a thermos of hot chocolate and find a neighborhood with beautiful lights to be outside to appreciate them.
There’s power in taking back traditions for ourselves and doing things that we love and adore. Making your favorite meal, a special drink, taking in sights, going to a place that is meaningful around this time of year are all places to start. Old traditions might not be meaningful to you or they might even make the holiday season painful. Instead of leaning into those, make your own! Share your new traditions with your family and friends. (Maybe this includes your partner and kids, your roommates, or your chosen family.)
#4 - Don’t Put Pressure on Yourself to Make the Holiday Season “Special.”
Don’t put pressure on yourself to make the holidays “more special” than they are. At the end of the day, this is just another season, just another time of the year. Yes, you can make it more pleasant and meaningful for you, but I think sometimes we put a lot of pressure to make things happen, and that can lead to a lot of disappointments.
I think there’s a real beauty in allowing things to be and not put pressure on yourself to make things perfect. I fall into this a lot where I try to get family here from far away or I try to navigate or negotiate things to be perfect so the seasons can feel exactly how I want it to feel. And honestly? It’s exhausting, anxiety-inducing and stressful.
I think one of the things I’m learning is to enjoy the things I love about this time of year and conduct that with my family. To just really sync into the simple, special things during the holidays and not pressure myself or other people to make it a certain way. That mindset kind of lets me off the hook and helps me return back to myself instead of being outside of myself working to make things special. (I think as a mom that’s really important.) Otherwise, I end up burning myself out and not having the energy to really enjoy this time of year. That’s the main way I take care of myself during the holidays.
#5 - Reflect on Your Wins this Year
I personally feel like it’s vital to make sure that you take the time to reflect on the year and count your wins. Part of my holiday tradition is looking forward to next year and thinking about the things I want to build on, thinking about the things I want to change. What are the things that I’m really grateful for that I want to continue to grow and celebrate?
I think being as present as possible but also deliberately taking the time to really consider the last year is an important piece of taking care of yourself during the holidays (especially since it’s been batshit crazy for 2 years). Looking forward to 2022, how would you like to reflect and plan and set intentions and goals for the year. How are we going to make those things happen? My blog on setting New Year’s intentions focuses more on these themes.
The main takeaway with this is to not shame yourself for having negative feelings around the holidays. It’s normal to deal with difficult emotions this time of year. Acknowledging those feelings is the first way to take care of yourself during the holiday season.
Hi, I’m Melinda
I’m a therapist who uses the Enneagram and Brainspotting to help 20 & 30-somethings understand and change unhelpful patterns, love themselves, and navigate all the big transitions and emotions that come with where they are in life.
WHAT MY CLIENTS OFTEN LOOK LIKE:
1) Empaths and “HSPs” who feel deeply and are afraid that something is “wrong” with them or have been told that they are too “sensitive”
2) Helpers or “over-givers” who want healthier relationships with themselves and others
3) Enneagram enthusiasts who want to grow
4) Premarital and young couples wanting to start their marriage off on the right foot